Here is a conversation I had with Lance Shaffer, a guy from my high school that everyone was scared of for some reason.  At any rate, I decided to break the ice and find out just what this guy is all about.
 VoodooWind:  do you know what im here to tell you?
 KingInsect:  Who is this anyway?
 VoodooWind:  it doesnt matter: what matters is what i have to say to you
 KingInsect:  go for it...
 VoodooWind:  to put it simply, NMNS
 VoodooWind:  you know what that is?
 KingInsect:  hum....guess not
 VoodooWind:  well you are about to find out, young man.  have you recieved my brochure in the mail?
 KingInsect:  doubt it...
 VoodooWind:  you probably threw it away because you couldnt fully comprehend the life giving power of NMNS
 KingInsect:  uh...oh yeah?
 KingInsect:  what's it stand for?...and why won't You tell Me who You are...?
 VoodooWind:  either that or you thought that a wrinkled up shoebox lid with a stamp on it with the letters N.M.N.S. scrawled accross it somehow made it to your house accidently
 VoodooWind:  no no no... Mr Shaffer

At this point, Mr Shaffer has no idea who I am or wherefore I have come from.

 KingInsect:  My house?.....where did You send It?
 VoodooWind:  in fact, these few letters may hold the key to unlocking the salvation in your life

I am using the fact that poor Mr. Shaffer here has probably been approached by numerous religious zealots who have tried to "save" him.  (I live in the bible belt) Most of them are even more ridiculous than a million Lances.  Watch as this unfolds humorously.

 KingInsect:  what makes You think I'm Damned?
 VoodooWind:  do you know what they stand for, Mr. Shaffer?  Hmm?? Take a guess at what these letters stand for: NMNS
 VoodooWind:  you have no clue, do you?
 KingInsect:  No More Nicotine Sinners
 KingInsect:  eh...I don't smoke
 VoodooWind:  close, but no cigar
 VoodooWind:  you cannont fully yet comprehend the meaning of these letters
 KingInsect:  ...I'm taking that as an Insult, Mr. X.
 VoodooWind:  in time, tonight i will try to trascribe their meaning to your pathetic brain.  firstly: do you believe in santa?
 KingInsect:  explain "believe"
 KingInsect:  Pathetic Brain...hee hee....
 VoodooWind:  do you believe in Santa, Mr Shaffer?
 KingInsect:  explain "Believe" and I'll answer it
 VoodooWind:  believe as in "to acknowledge the existance of" or, as webster defines it "to appreciate and comprehend as existing in nature phiscially and/or spiritually"
 VoodooWind:  and/or worship???
 KingInsect:  I appreciate the point of Santa Claus...
 VoodooWind:  to put it simply, do you worship Santa, Mr Shaffer?
 VoodooWind:  not appreciate, but worship
 KingInsect:  I wouldn't say I worshiped Him though, no
 VoodooWind:  yes! you do!  i can tell by the clothes you wear!  so jolly yet sinister, its almost as if you have something to hide... quite similar to old st nick himself!
 KingInsect:  the Clothes I wear, aye?......read Matthew 7:1 recently?
 VoodooWind:  and that tattoo you have on your leg, if you squint and look at it at a 45 degree angle i can make out some robust and jolly cheeks, and those glaring yet caring eyes
 VoodooWind:  the ways of santa are evil, Mr Shaffer.  If you do not turn away today, you will perish
 KingInsect:  hee hee.....oh yeah?...
 KingInsect:  alright fine, I'm saved. thankyou very much. Hallejulula
 VoodooWind:  yes do not believe in Santa's lies!  He only tells you what you want to hear
 VoodooWind:  which brings me to my next point
 VoodooWind:  have you ever laid eyes upon Santa Claus's fully naked and exposed body?
 KingInsect:  *sits back in Throne*...yes?
 KingInsect:  can't say that I have, no...
 VoodooWind:  no, you just said yes
 VoodooWind:  make up your mind Mr Shaffer
 VoodooWind:  yes or no?
 VoodooWind:  i have evidence here that leads me to believe the affirmative
 KingInsect:  is that right?.....
 VoodooWind:  yes.  i have the negatives to prove it
 KingInsect:  cool...make a T-Shirt for Me
 VoodooWind:  these negatives depict you gazing lustfully through a peephole into Santa's changing room
 VoodooWind:  if you want me to make a "tee-shirt" out of it and sell it to the highest bidder, so be it Mr Shaffer.  but i never said the word, blackmail you used that word not I
 KingInsect:  oh yeah...I remember that...that was back in '94 I think
 VoodooWind:  Just as i suspected
 KingInsect:  ah yes....He's quite a Hottie, ya know
 VoodooWind:  Yes, i know how you glare oh so lustfully at his round yet firm stomach and at his tender man breasts! do you not!!
 KingInsect:  oh yeah....and besides, Britney Spears is His daughter...
 VoodooWind:  and during xmas you wish not for toys or games like other young folk, but desire Santa's forbidden package!
 VoodooWind:  AM I NOT CORRECT?
 KingInsect:  His forbidden package?.....hum....like....poison?
 VoodooWind:  YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!
 KingInsect:  *sits up in His throne* Do I?...
 VoodooWind:  which again brings me to my next point
 VoodooWind:  there will be no more of this obsession with santa's nude sexy body
 VoodooWind:  it is intolerable in a society where we live today
 KingInsect:  *files nails*  umhuh
 VoodooWind:  you must remove your mark of Santa from your hand
 VoodooWind:  and reject Santa's evil ways
 KingInsect:  *examines Hands*
 KingInsect:  ?
 VoodooWind:  i can see it! the mark!  ::::gasps:::::
 KingInsect:  nah...that's just a Middle Finger
 VoodooWind:  yes, the graven image of santa.. completely stark naked
 VoodooWind:  i see it there on your palm
 KingInsect:  I thought that was the Mark of Lord Shiva...
 VoodooWind:  what the hell is your problem
 VoodooWind:  what are you talking about you psychopath
 VoodooWind:  with this "mark of lord shiva?"
 KingInsect:  ShivA....
 VoodooWind:  you sick guy
 VoodooWind:  I am here to tell you about NMNS
 KingInsect:  not My problem You're ignorant to the Lord ShivA....read a book sometime, aye?
 VoodooWind:  no i have dedicated my cause to NMNS
 VoodooWind:  you cannot corrupt me
 VoodooWind:  here let me explain myself
 VoodooWind:  I will send you a scroll
 KingInsect:  ....did You know the Ghost of Lennon lives in My pet?
 KingInsect:  No More Nude Santa, aye?....

This is the part where Lance tries to be funny.

 VoodooWind:  exactly!
 VoodooWind:  NO MORE NAKED SANTAS
 VoodooWind:  you must not corrupt yourself my son
 KingInsect:  ...and You're so invloved becuse....
 VoodooWind:  I will be here to guide you
 VoodooWind:  I am on a holy quest to combat NS
 VoodooWind:  open your mail, and gaze upon my mystical scroll

Yep.  You guessed it.  The big fat jolly guy himself was sent express to Lance's email address, KingInsect@aol.com all because of me.

 KingInsect:  have You been drinking the Cough medicine again?...
 VoodooWind:  Have you seen my mystical scroll, my son?
 VoodooWind:  I am taking you under my wing
 KingInsect:  well I'll be Damned.
 VoodooWind:  what is it, young one?
 KingInsect:  :co
 VoodooWind:  i see you are startled!  what is it that startles thee?
 KingInsect:  the amazing pale rumpuss......

My very favorite quote of all time!!! "the amazing pale rumpuss..." at this point I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

 VoodooWind:  OH MY.. YOUR DISEASE HAS PROGRESSED FAR WORSE THAN I HAD THOUGHT!
 VoodooWind:  you are seeing evil incarnations of visions of the evil naked santa claus!
 KingInsect:  reminds Me of My Childhood daze
 VoodooWind:  exactly my son, but you need be not afraid
 VoodooWind:  alas, Mr Lance Shaffer, you will from time to time see visions of this nude beast
 VoodooWind:  but in time i will be able to ward away your visions
 KingInsect:  *begins stabbing eye with a straw*
 VoodooWind:  no no no
 VoodooWind:  there is hope yet for you my son
 KingInsect:  *back begins twisting and changing*
 VoodooWind:  i heal you!  i heal you!  ABA-daba-ABA
 VoodooWind:  depart, you wicked nude carnal beast!
 KingInsect:  *deep demonic voice*

I am the EggMan.......I am the EggMan.....

I AM THE WALRUS

GOO GOO G'JOOB
 VoodooWind:  no need for lines from the beetles
 VoodooWind:  i will take care of this
 VoodooWind:  ABA-daba-macarena
 KingInsect:  wow, healed...thanks
 VoodooWind:  what is your name, address and phone number? we can work on this together
 KingInsect:  I am Cap'n Salt...Sgt. Pepper's arch Nemesis
 VoodooWind:  seriously
 VoodooWind:  do you reject santa and all his works?
 KingInsect:  Seriously?....What for art thou?
 VoodooWind:  dont ask, just give me your name and address
 VoodooWind:  and phone number
 VoodooWind:  and 20$
 KingInsect:  all I have is Frankincence

At this point, the conversation got boring so I signed off.